Isn’t it funny how we serve an unlimited God, yet we so easily have slip into our set-in-stone life style of Jesus following? Or, is that just me?
You know, the same devotions at 6am, the same church services each Sunday, the same expectancy and faith we use to approach each and every problem.
Or, is that just me?
The start of this questioning came one night after I found myself praying as I was falling asleep, but all I could say was “I feel like I’ve come to the end of Christianity, God. Is this is? Is this really ‘life to the fullest’? I just feel like I’ve come to the end, there must be more!”
And that’s when I knew I had stopped searching for God.
I had my little Christian routine and fitted I God in there quite neatly.
I had my 1+1=2 kind of faith that I ruled and controlled.
I’d made Jesus my ‘homeboy’ instead of my Lord and Saviour.
I never got bored of my God, just with my Christianity.
I remember a day I was walking with Marco up a mountain by the sea and it reminded me of the old hymn “The Love of God” and the lyrics that went like this:
“Could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made, were every stalk on earth a quill, and every man a scribe by trade, to write the Love of God above, would drain the ocean dry, nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky.”
I looked at the ocean and said “No, God could not possibly love us that much.” And Marco replied to me “You’re trying to measure a God who just can’t be measured.”
But it just got me! Surely God couldn’t love us THAT much?
But, that’s just what I thought – I’d started measuring God’s love as if it had an ending somewhere. As if 70×7 was literal and the Cross wasn’t really that big deal.
I’d stopped searching for God when I found a little speck of Him.
Like I said, I never got bored of my God, just of my Christianity. And that was the problem.
I had my little speck of it – this tiny little drop of the ocean is all I know, and all my energy is poured into making sure this little speck doesn’t leave my sight,
yet I forget that He is holding my above the ocean of His Grace just waiting for me to dive in.
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.”
I was happy to stay in the box of ‘good Christian’ – do what everyone asked and expected of me. When what I really wanted was to run away into the wilderness, just like God would do with Israel.