Okay, time to be honest: today I received my first prescription of anti-depressants, and I must say, after months of wild ups and downs of depression and anxiety, I am very proud of myself.
In fact, I am incredibly proud of myself.
When I was about 16 years old, a friend of mine talked about depression being the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain,
“Blasphemy!” I thought, “depression is all spiritual!”
To this day it still makes me cringe when I think of how offended I got, when now, only a few years later, I completely agree with her.
I used to be a real whacky Christian: the one who studied secular songs for hidden meanings, the one who told her friend that Satan was controlling her (whoops, she didn’t like me after that).
Along with that came my very spiritual-and only spiritual-approach to depression.
I was convinced that depression had no place outside of spirituality, and as a result, I feel that I denied myself good help that I could have got a long time ago, if only I had allowed myself.
A year of Bible College in 2014 pushed me into a Christian maturity where I took off this ‘way-way-too-spiritual-Christian’ cloak and began to see myself as human.
I have come to understand that as much as my depression is spiritual, and I still believe that part of it is, it also has a lot to do with the chemicals in my brain.
I mean, I’ve suffered from asthma all my life, and every day, at least once, I use an inhaler to keep my lungs relaxed, and I could never think of giving up my inhaler because without it, I could die. Why would I deprive myself of medicine that does the same to my mind?
I believe that God is in everything-in the miracle of a prayer, and in the science of medicine.
I know that this pill won’t heal me of my deeper issues-only God can do that; I still have a million and 1 problems to get healing from that all contribute to my mental health.
But as my life goes on and I begin my journey of healing, I will happily swallow this little pill, knowing that it’s just another part of the process of helping me get put back together.
Grace and Peace,